Relationships: becoming the right energy, and dealing with difficult people

So many people come to me asking, "When will I meet the right person?" It is a fair question. But over the years I have come to believe that a better one is: "Am I becoming the right energy for the love I want?"

This post brings together what I share about preparing for love, healing the heart, and handling the people who drain us.

Becoming the right energy

Marriage and relationships aren't only about finding the right person. They are about becoming the right energy. We tend to attract what matches us, and we repeat patterns until we notice them. If the same kind of partner, argument or heartbreak keeps returning, the pattern is asking to be seen.

Before you say yes to anyone, try asking yourself:

• What do I keep repeating in love, and where did I first learn it?
• Am I choosing from wholeness, or from fear of being alone?
• Do I treat myself the way I want a partner to treat me?
• Can I say what I need, clearly and kindly?

Conscious love starts there. It isn't about becoming perfect. It is about becoming aware, so you choose with open eyes.

Healing the heart before receiving love

It is hard to receive love with a heart that is still guarding an old wound. Past breakups, betrayals and disappointments often stay in the body as tightness, mistrust or a quiet belief that love always ends in pain.

In this video I share one of my favourite prayers for attracting love. Practise it every day for 21 days. Twenty-one days is long enough for a new habit of thought to settle, and short enough to stay committed to.

To support it:

1. Each evening, write one thing you are releasing from a past relationship.
2. Place your hand on your heart and breathe slowly for a minute.
3. Say the prayer, and end with a simple thank you.
4. Notice, without forcing, how your feelings about love begin to change.

If you have practised Ho'oponopono, it pairs beautifully with this: the four phrases help soften what the heart is still holding.

Three honest questions

Sometimes the most useful guidance comes from answering a few honest questions. In this short video I ask three questions about love and relationships. Pause after each one and answer it truthfully in a notebook. Don't write what you think you should feel; write what is real.

Read your answers back the next day. Often the blockage, or the next step, is sitting right there in your own words.

How to deal with difficult people

Relationships aren't only romantic. Family, colleagues and friends shape our energy every day, and some people leave us drained. Very often the root is people-pleasing: saying yes when the heart is screaming no.

Here are four steps to stop people-pleasing, starting today:

1. Breathe. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4, breathe out for 4. This calms your nervous system before you respond.
2. Buy time with one line: "I'll think about it and get back to you." You don't owe anyone an instant answer.
3. Practise your no in the mirror for two minutes a day. It feels strange at first, and then it feels normal.
4. Say one small, real no each day. Start with something easy, and build from there.

Try it for seven days. Many people feel lighter and freer, and are surprised to find they are respected more, not less. Your peace is the highest priority, and it is all right to put your foot down.

What this is not

Becoming the right energy doesn't mean blaming yourself for how others have treated you. Boundaries are not unkind, and forgiveness never means staying where you are being harmed. If a relationship feels unsafe, please reach out to someone you trust, a counsellor or local support services. Spiritual practice sits beside that help, never instead of it.

If you'd like support

If you want to understand your patterns in love, heal an old wound or prepare for a new relationship, you can book a relationships and marriage consultation, or send me a message first. You might also enjoy my post on whether you are ready for love.